We all know comparison is a bad thing and are told not to do it. However, its so difficult not to compare everything in life or at least I personally find it difficult to stop.
For me, comparison creeps up in so many areas of my life, almost every single one!
Feeling like I’m getting old or wrinkly
Feeling like my pregnancies ruined my shape
Feeling like my brain doesn’t work properly anymore
Feeling like I’m not as confident these days
Feeling like I’m boring now
All of these things are because I am comparing myself to a previous version of me.
New folk we meet don’t notice any of these things, how many people have you met who are covered in wrinkles or larger or smaller than you and you think god they are lovely. I bet people think that of us too because they don’t have anything to compare us to, they just see and appreciate what is right in front of them in that moment.
My problem at the moment is that I am comparing myself now to how I used to be and making myself feel like I’m falling short or failing because I’m not as fun, organised, pretty or skinny as I used to be.
And yet NO ONE EXCEPT ME CARES!
Weirdly, I hardly ever compare my kids to each other or to others. There is the odd thing here and there but for the most part I don’t even look at it like that. I didn’t care that Joey started doing stuff on a different timescale than Leo etc. I didn’t even care when the health visitor told me Leo should have been doing certain things for his development at his 13 month review. Usually stuff like that would destroy me, but I didn’t give it any thought at all. I wish I could give myself the same grace!
Take my postpartum body as an example - Instead of embracing what my body has achieved I’ve become caught up comparing it to how it was before. It’s just never going to be the same, I grew a whole ass human inside my body, from only two cells to the size of a pumpkin that squished all my organs into a different shape…
Other areas comparison swoops in to steal joy can be things like:
Oh no, the kids are so much bigger than they used to be
My relationship is so different to how it was in the beginning
Income is different or I don’t have any disposable to have fun with
Car isn’t as good or as fun anymore
It can literally apply to everything - the sadness comes from COMPARING it to a previous version. A lot of the time we are only happy if this comparison shows an upward climb. If it shows a downward dip then it makes us feel like we are failing even when we are NOT…
I’m trying to reframe this thinking and look at it like this… Most roads go up and down and backwards and around but it still gets you to the destination in the end. Maybe look at it like taking the scenic route rather than viewing it as the longer route.
I certainly don’t know how to switch this comparison process off, but I wish I did. Does anyone have a clue where the off button is? This should be what we are all aiming for. Just like we are taught to move on from everything in life, let go of the past, we should teach ourselves to do the same and leave our old selves in the past too.
For now I’m going to sign off and remind you that if anything here resonates with you then you are not alone and I’m always here if you want to chat. I know when I am going through these times I needed a friend and motherhood can be lonely af so please talk to someone you know and if that feels too much then talk to someone you don’t know, me!
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Thank you for reading 🤎
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